MARIA STEN

ACTRESS · WRITER · PRODUCER.

Filtering by Tag: writing

SHEDDING.

There is a time when you look in the mirror and realize you no longer recognize yourself. 

You’ve shed the comfort of the thick hide that’s held you together and kept you afloat in a never-ending current, but the hide feels flaky on your skin now.
You’re picking at it, like from too much exposure to the sun, too little moisture from the earth. 
Remnants of an idea, of a story, of who occupied that skin cling on in a way that was once comfort, now simply uncomfortable.
The wave of sadness flushes over you. Consuming you. 
Threatening to keep you down so long you’re sure to drown.
Look deeper into the abyss. 
There’s a place beyond the shadows that holds a new idea. 
An optical illusion you can learn to believe. 

A rebirth.

But for rebirth, first must come death. And death is never easy. 
The hide clings to its possessor. The possessor becomes the possessed. 
Take a breath, suck it in, let it cleanse you. Let you become weightless. 
Become nothing, or no one, or anyone.
Take back your being.
Choose your colors. Choose your skin. Choose your reality.
This is when you can choose who you see. 
This is when you can decide who you want to be.

IN THE DARK - PART XXII

PATH.

There’s a path in these woods where no one ever goes
There’s a path waiting simply just for you.
It’s hard to find. It goes mostly unnoticed. 
These thistles and thorns just might change your mind, 
It’s such a steep climb all the way to the top. 
But here, my love, there is no one else. 
Just the silence waiting for the wind.
A meadow of wildflowers waiting for the rain.
The rain that lands in just the right place, the right way,
The rain that soothes with nothing to say
The rain that touches my neck only as you do.
Solely your soul stands at the heart of my heart, 
Solely your hands fought their way through,
There’s a path waiting right here my love,
A path waiting simply just for you.

IN THE DARK - PART XVIII

REVERIES.

If no one ever heard all the things I couldn’t say
I would take them to the mountain top and send them with the wind.
If no one ever heard all things I couldn’t say
I would scream them in my dreams so that one day, when I’m far away
Maybe you’d wake up and hear them.
If no one ever heard all the things I couldn't say
I would open my eyes and look at you that way.
That way you always looked at me when I looked somewhere else.
That way you always wouldn't say the things I couldn’t say
And I would know.
I would know no words exist to save me from myself,
I would feel no safety in a world where you save me.
It was a secret life led somewhere in my mind, where you said you wanted me to stay
The only time you ever told me all the things I couldn’t say.
The only reason I would run away.
To the world, to the wild, to time on its course
To reveries left in the sky where they belong.
To the cold that comes now you don't look at me that way
And no one ever knowing what those stars mean above.
If no one ever heard all the things I couldn’t say
I'd take my heart to a grave full of perfect love.

IN THE DARK - PART XVI

FIGMENT.

What was I to you, if not a fantasy waiting to indulge?
If not a misfit solution to a life half lived.
What was I, if not a figment of your imagination.
A heart too full of fire, a soul one thousand years too old.
It's okay. I understand.
The dream fades and crashes and dies and it hurts every time you land.
It's okay. I know.
I indulge.
But then there goes my fantasy, pure and sweet, tangibly waiting for me,
As it wills, my dear love, I do have to go.

IN THE DARK - PART XIII

RIDE.

Like the wind, flat against my face,
Forcing tears from their creases,
Disguised to be simply a rush of delight,
Harboring all things I fear in the night.
Like rain, singing to me in the thicket of trees,
Deep where nothing else sounds like it matters,
Soaking me in its will to be.
Where I have wings, where death is close,
Where life is real, where I am the most.
I surrender fully to the moment at hand,
Ready to stand, ready to fly.
Ready for another ride.

IN THE DARK - PART XII

INDULGENT.

I savor little pieces of his heart
That he hides in plain sight,
To him holding all of the unknown of what's to be.
To me, tasting like a dream that existed in memories
Long forgotten,
Reminding me that there is only now.
The right now. An illusion waiting to indulge
Before it sets me free.
So simple as lending the tip of my tongue
And give in to the fantasy.

IN THE DARK - PART X

MADNESS.

If I had seen the madness that would
Become me so well,
Would I have ventured past the safe havens
Of perfectly content,
To be numbed with too much to not do,
Too many stories to never tell.
There is a place deep inside where it is all easier.
But there, the dream dies.
And only in my dream do good things come from
The way you look at me with those eyes,

 

IN THE DARK - PART III

UNBLOSSOMED. 

A whistle through the air, just before they land, 
He whispers in my ear; 
No matter what happens I will have you near-- 
And Me never leaving his lips
Cause the fire burned through us both
Like a splintering, shattering stopper of love, 
Of all good things we planted, 
Of our seed still unblossomed
From my belly of another tragic end. 
Only this one, he was true, 
This one was goodness in the flesh, 
A conceiver of dreams, this was my true friend. 
Laid lifeless by the wayside, next to his forsaken bride, 
A side effect of one more sanctioned genocide. 


CHILDHOOD. 

There's no greater treasure than childhood memories. 
Do you remember your mother
Using her own spit to moisten the flour, 
Starving herself, 
So you could have just something to devour? 
Can you see all your childhood friends
With their right hands chopped off at the wrist, 
Just as a warning not to resist? 
Can you hear the bombs falling every night
As your children lay crying, shivering with fright? 
No? 

Didn't think so. 


BRIGHT NEW STAR.

On a lone rock, high atop the mountain,
Bathed in flickering gold,
Your whispers in my ear
Ease the wary of my soul.
Alone, the light fades
Yet I am safe and sound
As sounds of the dark emerge all around.
I wonder why, sigh and look to the sky.
The moonless night is dark with despair,
Teaching stars to shine brighter alone.
And in this night, you give me light
As I roam the wild like I belong.
Belong to the dark,
Like a caged cat unleashed, unfolding
The rusty creases of my heart.
Let the shadows in, let the foot find its fast,
Let this bright new star light the way back,
Let you guide me home through the dark.


IN THE DARK - PART II

MOLDING.

There are souls on fire
And hearts that demise in their flames.
My soul is a soul on fire.
But rebuilt in steel,
My heart was molded by fire and flame,
imply to fit its name.


FOOL FOR LOVE

I call out in the dark but no one can hear me. 
Maybe cause my desperate scream is silent
With the shame I feel for wanting you near me. 
I picked the berry off the fruit pie we ate, 
But it's moldy in my mouth now, 
All this time gone by. 
I still keep your rusty spurs
From the first time you fell off, 
Back when we were young, wondrous and wry. 
I still keep your card in a box
Of taunting memories under the bed. 
Holding on to something you once said. 
Am I a fool for wanting something
I know is bad for me? 
I know you can never heal me
When you are not whole yourself. 
But even so.. there's nobody else. 
My comfort, 
My other half who knows me too well. 
My curse. My story I can't bear to tell. 
Why can't you be good for me? 
Want me for me, not for who you want me to be. 
I cannot be your chew toy, 
Nor your well behaved arm decoration. 
Or just a stop on the way
To your indefinite destination. 
Love me. 
Love me like you know you'll never let me go. 
So that my silent screams won't disappear
In the dark no more. 
So that I also know. 
Let me run wild around you, 
So you can try to tame me. 
But don't lock me up and throw away the key
When you know I need to be free. 
I need to be free for you to love me, 
Free from your power upon me, to be
Cause the memories of your deeds
Imprison my mind in constant misery. 
I end up losing my mind, 
With no rhyme or reason, 
Running wild like the buck
You like to chase and shove. 
I end up a simple fool for love.


CONFLAGRATION. 

You are my fire. 
Like the first light after a moonless night, 
Born of some terrible storm. 
Like the crackling in the dark
Erupting with sparks, 
But lends you peace and keeps you warm. 
A fire I never knew before I felt it. 
So I stood in the flame and let it have me, 
Frozen, with addiction to the smoldering heat, 
In fear of losing what I should have left be. 
And I let it consume me. 
A conflagration with no consideration for easy. 
So strike the match, set off what's left; 
My last bit of innocence along with the rest, 
And watch your love burn to a beautiful death.


IN THE DARK - PART I

OCEAN.

She roars like the waterfall, 
She moves like the wild rivers flow. 
Her calm is like the forest lake, 
She rages like a tidal wave, 
Yet like the ocean, deep and undefeated, 
She holds secrets you’ll never know.


DROPS.

Is that the rain I hear
Knocking on my window?
Or is it the salt I taste
From the path it carves on my cheek,
Kissing the curve of my lip
Like tender drops of solitude.
The sound lets me dream up a fantasy
Where I am a better version of me.
But as my cheeks dry, I try,
For now, just to aspire to be.


WILD. 

Ran away from the world
And the aches it put my heart through. 
Get lost in the wild where wild things run free. 
I revel in the wide open space, 
In a vacuum of extremities I know my place
As it replicates my inner complexities. 
Hot and cold, beautiful and dangerous, 
A heart of rock cast from once liquid gold
In a soul a thousand years old. 
Trapped on earth, sequestered, bewildered, 
In search of freedom, finding only fear. 

So take me, lonely road, let the vacuum consume me, 
Burn me, starve me, crumble and mold me, 
Pure and viciously, in to; 
My stories still untold, 
To the courage for my destiny yet to unfold, 
Shatter the rock
And melt a path back to my heart of gold.


KISS. 

Are you man enough to unleash the beast
That you know will put up a fight? 
Are you man enough to march through the darkness
And knock down the door
To the place that stole all the light? 
Are you man enough to be a man
When a man means doing what's right? 
You can bruise me a 1000 times
And leave tokens of your sin on my skin, 
But a 1000 blows don't add up
To my one cataclysm within. 
Do I go down with this ship, 
Proud to stand my ground, 
To be strong, to resist? 
Or do I let you undo
What's been done
As you do me another one
With your generous lips, 
Your mouth mouthing gifts after gifts? 
Well. I guess I'll find out in this next kiss. 


SECRETS. 

He whispers to me as we lay in the dark. 
Unwillingly, reluctantly, 
I let him unravel the denied secrets of my heart.